Interpersonal conflict happens at least once in everyone's life. One can choose to avoid it or solved it. Eventually, we have varied personalities which usually results to incompatible choices and opinions. Apparently, it is a natural occurrence which can eventually help in personal growth or developing your relationships with others. The interpersonal conflict that i am talking about is between my polytechnic internship's schoolmates, Jane, and I. It was during my last semester of my three year polytechnic life and i had a four mouth attachment to a company and the conflict happen when we had a meeting with my supervisor. During the meeting, James makes a remark that some employees are not doing their share of the work.
"I think that there are people who are not working as well as they are expected to be." said James.
Jane and I both felt offended, it was as if he was pinning us down and wanting us to prove to him more. Hence, after the meeting, I decided to have the mindset of doing well and taking up more project to prove to my supervisor that I was capable to doing well even though i was just an intern. However, Jane felt that I was trying too hard to impress my supervisor and think that I was "boot-licking" him to get his attention for myself.
After work, Jane pulled me to a corner and confronted me.
"Why are you trying to boot lick James? Stop trying so hard to get an A. It is pointless." said Jane
"What are you talking about? I am just trying to do my best to prove to him that interns are capable and willing to learn!" I replied.
"You are full of nonsense, meiying." replied Jane and she walked away angrily.
After that confrontation, I did not talk to Jane anymore and we continue our individual life till now. There are times where i recalled the conflict and thought of ideas that could changed the outcome of my relationship with Jane.
Hence, relating to what I had learnt in class about conflict management, I used the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, both of us displayed high level of competing and avoiding. We avoided solving this problem and Jane felt threatened with my action of trying to do my best.
What do you guys think, how do you think i should do in this kind of situation? Please do comment your opinion!
Commented on Daphne and Steven.
Updated on 9th April 2016
"I think that there are people who are not working as well as they are expected to be." said James.
Jane and I both felt offended, it was as if he was pinning us down and wanting us to prove to him more. Hence, after the meeting, I decided to have the mindset of doing well and taking up more project to prove to my supervisor that I was capable to doing well even though i was just an intern. However, Jane felt that I was trying too hard to impress my supervisor and think that I was "boot-licking" him to get his attention for myself.
After work, Jane pulled me to a corner and confronted me.
"Why are you trying to boot lick James? Stop trying so hard to get an A. It is pointless." said Jane
"What are you talking about? I am just trying to do my best to prove to him that interns are capable and willing to learn!" I replied.
"You are full of nonsense, meiying." replied Jane and she walked away angrily.
After that confrontation, I did not talk to Jane anymore and we continue our individual life till now. There are times where i recalled the conflict and thought of ideas that could changed the outcome of my relationship with Jane.
Hence, relating to what I had learnt in class about conflict management, I used the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, both of us displayed high level of competing and avoiding. We avoided solving this problem and Jane felt threatened with my action of trying to do my best.
What do you guys think, how do you think i should do in this kind of situation? Please do comment your opinion!
Commented on Daphne and Steven.
Updated on 9th April 2016
7 comments:
Hello Mei Ying! From my understanding, being criticize indirectly is hurtful to anyone. Everyone will treat this situation differently. If I was in your shoes, I could have flared up and argued with the supervisor. It was a very wise move from you to use accommodating mode in order to resolve the interpersonal conflict. I believed that after this incident, you had grown into a much better person than before. Thank you for sharing this experience with me. Hopefully, you can share more personal experience with us so that we can learn from you.
Hi Mei Ying, i enjoyed reading your post. It was good that you managed the situation well without flaring up. There is a slight problem though. You did not ask any of the readers what was the solution to your problem. Other than that, your post is very good as it explains everything in details.
@Zheng: Hi Kok Zheng, thank you for your comments. I believe that it takes awhile for me to understand the importance of knowing my role in the company and my boundary is. Thank! :)
@Syai: Hi syai, i did addressed it to my blogpost, thanks for addressing me the issue that i had!!
Thank you, Mei, for your sharing of this episode. I can see that you have a conflict 'in mind,' though since you were able to monitor your own behavior and not overreact to your supervisor's criticism, in fact a conflict was clearly avoided. Your question doesn't pertain to a conflict since there was not one in the first place.
HI Mei Ying!
Im impressed with the way you handled the situation. Knowing you to be a direct person, i would have expected that you would directly confront him. If i was in your shoes i would feel offended by those remarks as well. However, as he was my supervisor, i would take these criticisms with a pinch of salt and improve myself further. The way you handled the situation was great, in a sense that you didn't flare up and chose the accommodating mode. I feel that your actions had led you to avoid a conflict altogether.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I believe this is a situation where all of us are able to learn from when entering the workforce.
Regards,
Hany Humaira
Hey Mei,
Can you confirm that you edited this after you read my comments?
Thanks!
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